peristaltor

With Alie and Georgia.



"They called it 'A Culinary Abomination'!"




"It's like someone chewed your lunch for you."
"I'm okay with that!"



"Bacon Rimjob!"
"That makes me really uncomfortable."

No, I haven't tried any of these . . . but it's almost noon.

Really, really heavy.


Enlarge the Crushing Power!


More Bigger


That Awkward 'Oh, Shit' Moment Enlarged

Rural bridges: They ain't like the Romans used to make.

Via Lenny!

NPR

Resting upon the tablecloth one sees a clear, round receptacle, perhaps made of glass. Within it appears to be half-filled with a clear liquid shot through with translucent, rounded and clear blocks, perhaps ice.

How the receptacle got to be in this half-filled condition is hard to say; though, if one assumes the blocks are of ice, one might be able to rule out evaporation. The globules clinging to the receptacle's side appear to be condensation, a phenomenon most often associated with colder objects, not warmer.

That the globules form a line just at the level of the receptacle's internal fluid suggests that the glass has sat for some time at this level and has gathered atmospheric water to the colder portions of the exterior, so much so that the globules have started to run down the side of the receptacle, dampening the tablecloth with a ringed mark.


CNBC

Not only is the glass half full, there's every reason to suspect it might fill up fast. Liquidity literally gathers to this glass, clinging to the opportunities afforded just outside the main action and pooling at the base. Naysayers may cry foul, wondering what forces apparently drained half the glass's resources; but we here maintain this bearish attitude serves only to besmirch an otherwise apparently robust vessel with plenty of room for refreshing and profitable containment.


FAUX NEWS

Are restaurants poisoning their patrons? Though unconfirmed, the very real possibility of a clear and deadly fluid in a clear and seemingly innocent "glass" -- or is it just cheap plastic? -- must be investigated.

Suggestions of poison arose when obvious and deplorable leakage was spotted by our intrepid reporter, evidence that the seemingly refreshing fluid within had dissolved the glass, shooting it through with undetectable pinholes and allowing the liquid death to spread. What was once a strong and reliable vessel seems to have been compromised from within, allowing half of its resources to empty through these holes and stain the very fabric of the table.

If so, this glass may shatter, spreading the poison it contains. We should not, we cannot rest until this growing threat is further investigated.

. . . .

We've just learned that the glass holds water. This information does not change things, though. Why in a busy restaurant is a half-empty glass allowed? There must be a waitress nearby doing something other than her job. I'm thirsty just thinking about this deplorable situation.

With Flight of the Conchords, two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.

Love these guys.

I would love to give this gadget a whirl . . . though not over water, unless the skirt is positively buoyant.

I got a new toy. It's a gutter-cleaning Looj. The three-letter bar code prefix caught my eye. . . .


Wait -- How did they know?!?

The Wife and I got a kick out of this . . . because we're not paranoid.

According to the BBC, "Russia's energy giant Gazprom has signed a $2.5bn (£1.53bn) deal with Nigeria's state operated NNPC, to invest in a new joint venture."

What would call such a joint venture? Why, Nigaz, of course.

I shit you not.

John Hodgman grills the President on his nerd cred.

Mary Roach giggles her way through her TED talk, noting upsuck, Kinsey's ejaculate measurements (and how they affected the carpet), and sow vibrators for pig farmers unwilling to mount the sow themselves.

6_bleen_7 turned me on to a great online game, Sneeze. You get one sneeze in each level and must infect a growing percentage of the population to continue.

Infect wisely!

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

A "fun, watchable" Star Trek movie? What next, one has to ask?

Love the Onion.

I need someone to translate this series into Engrish and rush the DVDs to my house, stat. It's almost Easter, fer cryin' in the night!

Thanks.

I really want one of these cameras. And not for kinky stuff, either. Well, not just.

Ben Goldacre shared this breathtaking document on the pitch for the revised Pepsi logo. It consists of 27 pages of intricate designs, extrapolations of historic logo patterns to isolate the "geometry of perimeter oscillations," comparing the earth's geodynamo to the Pepsi logo's "energy fields," and divining the Pepsi Golden Ratio.

It starts, prophetically enough, with this:


Clickee to Embiggenate

An actual pitch document revealing the extent to which marketing firms must spin pseudoscience to make a sale, or a more simple hallucinatory hoax? Either way, it's worth a glimpse.

Dan Savage found some Christian group offering some cool tee shirts for sale:



Mine would be worn proudly with strong irony, of course. Why? In my case, the EX stands for XTREME!


*Think about it. . . .

Wicked Lasers, a company known for high-powered laser tech, has built the TORCH, a flashlight that can cook an egg.



Oh, sure, the battery only lasts 15 minutes. A mere technicality, I'm sure.

Stolen from alobar.

When setting up your iPod and wondering if will monitor the reactor core of your home nuke, keep granny alive by running her dialysis machine while you're at work or make sure your jets don't collide on autopilot, do read the license agreement:

2. Permitted License Uses and Restrictions. . . .

B. Except as and only to the extent expressly permitted in this License or by applicable law, you may not copy, decompile, reverse engineer, disassemble, modify, or create derivative works of the Apple Software or any part thereof. THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.

It's just an iPod.

Precise, yes, but looking fun as hell!

I would love to learn to do that. Just to say I could.

PS. Never mind the car, the Segway driver has balls of steel. That I couldn't do.